No holding back..

Not really sure why it's any surprise as to why I'm having headaches lately.

I'm pretty known for keeping my feelings hidden and not letting anything out. Which of course is never good in the long run. Everything builds up and either comes out all at once or I just can't take it anymore.

I really miss Lexi. After some encouraging words I realized I shouldn't feel bad for talking about her, if anything it's going to help me feel better. Then I won't keep it all inside. Honestly it's hard to explain what I feel on a daily basis without her. The best I can say is that it's this hole, just something is missing from my life. We don't have children yet, we pretty much thought of our dogs as our kids...silly to some but it was our life. Now that she's gone I feel our family is missing something. Of course it probably doesn't help any that Mike is not here too. But I know even with him here there would be something missing. She had a huge impact on our marriage and we dearly miss her. I do great but I find days where I see something that would remind me of her and then I lose it.

In my attempt to find a quote that would make me feel better and help me realize my own strength. I found this:

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

It has helped and I think it's an amazing quote to think of in any hard situation that life brings us.

I've been working out everyday this week and it is amazing how great I feel. I love that I was able to keep that up and I'm glad that while my parents are here we've been choosing healthy things to do. We've been eating good, working out and just taking great care of ourselves. This is a big change from our normal vacations. Even with eating out more than normal we're picking places and making sure we look up calorie content. I'm really proud of how great they're doing and how it's making me more motivated to keep up my work. Even though I've been staying around the same weight, I'm confident that with some hard work I will be able to accomplish my main goal.

Even Mike is starting to work out and I'm so happy. Anything that helps our family become healthy and stay healthy is great.

My friends are amazing and I'm glad to have them through this deployment. It's the greatest feeling knowing I have people to call on here if I need anything. Honestly I was always scared to move here because I knew this is the station he would be leaving on deployments and I was always scared that I would never have good friends to lean on. I'm pretty shy and making friends is never easy for me. But I'm glad I found people that I clicked with and they feel more like family :) I would have never survived this first deployment or the beginning of this one without them.